I just found out that the other day my youngest daughter, who is 8 years old, whispered to my very good friend :
“You are a terrible mother!”
Well it may not have been exactly that blunt, but it was along those lines… Then she leaned in further and backed it up with her own cheeky evidence.
“You’re not going to be here for [your daughter’s] birthday”
My friend had to be out of the country for her daughter’s birthday and my daughter had obviously decided this was inexcusable and that my friend should know this opinion.
Even though my friend is one of the best mothers we all know.
Oh my goodness.
Our daughter was, she thought, having a great joke with my friend, who apparently thought it was hilarious too… Thank you God…
But honestly, it could have all gone horribly wrong. I, for one, thought what my daughter said was wildly inappropriate, if not downright rude. Although, secretly, a part of me couldn’t help laughing out loud at her cheeky, audacious nature. She seems, by her good nature, to be able to get away with many such things.
Of course, when I found out what she’d said there’s no way I could laugh at my daughter’s joke in front of my daughter.
What sort of example would I be setting as a role model? What sort of behaviour would I therefore be encouraging?
I have a friend who laughed out loud with appreciation at the cleverness of her 2 year old child the first time her child grabbed a stool, climbed up on to the kitchen bench and grabbed the kitchen knife…
What was my friend thinking when she laughed in front of her daughter? Was she after a knife-wielding maniac for a toddler?
I know she wasn’t thinking first. Obviously, in such instances, it is best not to laugh where the child can see or hear you!
Funny stuff…
Someone I’ve been close to for many years, told me once that I make her laugh. I can’t remember why she said that, I only remember that I was not trying to be funny at the time. Not at all.
She loves God too, but in many ways she’s so different from me. I often need to seek to understand where she’s coming from with her behaviour and remarks. This was one of those moments…
So I asked her how I make her laugh. I wanted to know:
partly because I was suspicious of her meaning,
partly because I love a compliment,
partly because I’d love to be funny and write funny stuff and therefore I’m intrigued to find out what’s actually funny to other people…
Her answer did not clear my confusion at all.
She told me I make her laugh in the same way that she would be giggling about a child who is funny but that she shouldn’t be showing that she’s laughing.
Hmmm.
Later on, I wondered if actually she was being mean. Or superior at least!
Because clearly, I know that feeling of not wanting to show you’re laughing at a child who is funny. You don’t want to encourage the child in their funny ways. You know something more than they know. You feel in some ways you have superior knowledge. You think you understand the future path of where their behaviour will take them.
…
Is that how God feels about me?
He of superior knowledge.
Is He laughing at me with Himselves? Father, Son, Holy Spirit having a good old giggle with each other because they know something I don’t know.
About my future perhaps. And maybe in heaven later on we’ll have a good laugh together at the immature approaches of my earthly self.
I sometimes wonder…
…
But, for myself, fully-knowledgable of my own humanity, I want to make sure I never set myself up for a fall by giggling at other people as if they are misbehaving children and I mustn’t show them I’m laughing.
And of course, I’ve had little giggles before when I’m parenting but then remembered to pull a straight face for the correct and appropriate response.
But even for my children, I try to remember and respect that each of us are equal in the eyes of God.
All of us, the same but different. Just slightly bigger kids now… (I distinctly remember a moment when I was 2 years old, leaning back on our car and posing for a photo and thinking – Yeah, this is me… I still have the same “feeling-of-being-me” right now!)
I never want to be looking down on people or being all high and mighty in my approach.
Call me sensitive, but I don’t like the thought of people laughing or even commenting negatively behind closed doors or behind their backs at what I say or do. Do you?
If it has to be hidden away, it starts to smack of self-righteousness and hypocrisy.
For the longest time, I was convinced that being righteous was the same as being self-righteous.
So if anyone ever used the word “righteous” about themselves, I figured they just thought they were the only ones who were right and were setting themselves way above everyone else.
I figured that was the opposite of what Jesus did. He came to earth and cloaked himself in human form and became like us. 100% human. Even though He is Lord. 100% God. Go figure. Now seated on the throne in heaven. King of Kings. Lord of Lords.
And there is only One who is Righteous. That’s what I thought. And I still believe that part is true.
But I realize something else is true now.
I believe and I receive his gift of Grace so now:
I am also Righteous.
This righteousness of God comes through faith in Jesus Christ for all those [Jew or Gentile] who believe [and trust in Him and acknowledge Him as God’s Son]… (Romans 3:22 Amplified Bible)
I am righteous because of what Christ Jesus has done for me. Only because of Him. He has made me righteous. Nothing to do with my behaviour.
And therefore, there is no condemnation in Him.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. (Romans 8:1 King James Version.)
No condemnation. That’s a promise. No matter what I’ve thought or said or done, whether it’s right or not, good or not; I can walk after the spirit and I can come perfectly boldly before the throne of the King of Kings.
Yay, I am TOTALLY COVERED BY GRACE!
There’s a pastor in Singapore called Joseph Prince, and he recently told our church that we should remember and even say out loud:
“I am the Righteousness of Christ!”
I can hardly get my head around this. But that’s part of the Free Gift. And I can accept that. Thank you very much Jesus!
…
Now then, I agree I’m Righteous…
Am I now Self-righteous? Do I then look down on others?
…
Thinking how funny they all are with their funny ways…
I am Righteous in Christ, so do I not now have superior knowledge from those who have not accepted that Gift? Those on a different journey to me in relationship to Jesus Christ?
I could think this way if I chose: Hahaha. Aren’t they just so funny, those people who don’t know Jesus. Aren’t they just so funny, those young believers with their sinful ways. Oh just look at that terrible behaviour. Judgey, Judgey, Judgey. Hahaha.
Oh really?!
Please Lord, let me NEVER EVER GO THERE. I am happy to be Righteous in you. I never ever want to be self-righteous.
I may be righteous in Christ, but I am so not perfect, and I never want to risk being called a hypocrite.
I love it how the Message Bible describes Jesus’ rebuke to self-righteousness:
It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this I-know-better-than-you mentality again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your own part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbour. Luke 6:42
Righteous and Self-Righteous. I’m familiar with them both.
Self-Righteous : Setting myself above others in my own mind. Judging others’ behaviour. Thinking I’m better. Allowing my good works to take the stage.
Righteous : Aligning myself into God’s grace, even while knowing I’m not perfect, understanding that I am righteous in Christ. Issuing that same grace liberally to others.
I know where I’d much rather be: In the centre of God’s grace.
I don’t want to laugh at, or judge others self-righteously. We are all just people living on the same planet. Mostly trying our best to get through living within our circumstances, experiences and knowledge. Each of us loved by God: unique, valuable, irreplaceable. How could I set myself above anyone else when we are all doing our best, levelled by our experience of humanity, on this journey of life together?
I refuse to be Self-righteous.
But I am Righteous, dude.
