“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34). That’s Jesus talking.
As for me, I’m often annoyed. And I’ve started to wonder if this may be just lack of forgiveness in disguise…Like a poison I’m storing up in the sky of my soul.
See the photo I put up? It’s a whole load of bottles of alcohol – each bottle precariously perched in the ceiling above our heads. I took this photo in a restaurant we visited once and the ceiling looks so glamorous as you’re walking beneath it… until you suddenly realize a bottle could fall on your head at any time.
That photo is a metaphor for me getting annoyed. (Bear with me.) I figure getting annoyed may be a bit self-indulgent: like keeping a bit of poison in storage just in case, like a bit of a time bomb waiting to drop from the sky…
When I’m annoyed at someone I’m not really giving the person a chance. I’m holding on to a grievance that has occurred or that I am expecting to continue. I can hear it in my tone. I can feel it in my hormones and my sore shoulders.
Generally, where my children are concerned, I get intensely annoyed when I feel that I’ve communicated my annoyance and they actually couldn’t care less. They are in often in a world of their own. I may be requesting some form of action from them and it’s not happening and I’m getting annoyed because I can’t seem to make a difference to their behaviour.
Their behaviour doesn’t change until I change my attitude and create a new strategy for a different outcome. For some weird reason, these complex creatures generally seem to reflect back my good or bad attitude. And that’s why…
I’m considering starting a new habit of not getting annoyed. Instead, I figure a better habit to foster would be to keep calm – with love and patience – by the grace of God.
I’d like to never to get annoyed again.
Wouldn’t that be amazing, if I could do that? In preparation, I’ve been memorizing this verse – in the hope that the truth of the Holy Spirit working in my life will be reminded to me by the hearing of His word.
…the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23, AMP)
That verse reads like Grace Unpacked to me.
I figure that not getting annoyed would be a great thing to do after everything Jesus has done for me… Not only has He has determined in advance to forgive me – even for the things that I’m still going to do against Him. He’s also empowered me by his grace to follow in His footsteps.
Jesus didn’t seem to get annoyed, even though the worst was hurled at him:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
Even when Jesus drove out the temple traders, it seems clear to me that he’d premeditated the display.
11 Jesus entered Jerusalem and went into the temple courts. He looked around at everything, but since it was already late, he went out to Bethany with the Twelve.
12 The next day ...
15 On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple courts and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, 16 and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. 17 And as he taught them, he said, “Is it not written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’[c]? But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.‘” (Mark 11: 11-17)
One evening, he visited the temple and saw the market traders in there. Next morning, he came back and overturned the tables.
I’d like to display that sort of thoughtful character….but I find it hard.
I wrote last year about my struggles as a mother and that on occasion, my annoyance with our 3 kids has built up until I’ve suddenly found myself screaming at them…as if that angry voice has sprouted from nowhere!
Even if I’m not particularly annoyed, if there’s a problem between me and someone else, I often have to process for a stupid amount of time. Not that I’m holding a grudge exactly, but that I have to work through it in my mind. I’m a bit worried that this means I’m not letting go as I should… Maybe I care too much?
And I’m not even talking about the big things. For others, I know it’s big things, often huge things, that they have to deal with and try to forgive!
Can we just instantly forgive? How do we forgive? How do we know we’ve truly forgiven someone else?
In some respects I reckon this is a grey area and we must make sure we’re addressing all aspects of ourselves and the lives of ourselves and others. What about the consequences of their actions in our lives? Can we really just cut “the tree of hurt” down and forget it? Don’t we need to deal with the “roots” of the hurt? What if someone has really injured our heart…
Is it okay if we’re just going through the motions of being forgiving cos we know that’s the right thing to do?….To my mind, that’s willful obedience and a good thing!
I do know this:
By the power of His grace in our lives, God can give us the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is much more about what it does in our lives than just the relationship between us and the person we are forgiving.
Forgiveness enables us to let go of the poison that we were keeping in storage within ourselves.
Jesus forgives us. By his blood, shed on the cross, our sins past, present and future, are forgiven.
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7 NIV)
By His grace, we too can offer forgiveness to unworthy individuals:
ungrateful, mean, conniving, littering, spitting, swearing, ignorant, ambivalent, uncaring, procrastinating, selfish, judgemental, overbearing, demanding people …
People like me.
We must remind ourselves constantly how we are forgiven and blessed by God, by grace,
despite ourselves.
Throughout the scriptures, God is clear about how he wants us to live and reminds us that we are to be “SPIRIT-OF-GOD-KIDS”:
“Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life…Watch the way you talk..Say only what helps, each word a gift…Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you”. (Ephesians 4)
Helping us to remember who and how God is:
He decides to forget what we’ve done wrong. He is: Forgetting and Forgiving
God is For Getting and He is For Giving.
I believe that I am fully forgiven for everything I’ve done wrong, because of what Jesus has done for me.
I get it. So, surely, I can give it.
(Love and patience, here I come.)
Another very good blog post Jane, well done. I do think it’s ok to be angry at times (it’s an important internal gauge to detect injustice), and the bible doesn’t say ‘never be angry’ (or annoyed) so perhaps you’re setting yourself an impossible task hoping for that? Especially I think we should at time be angry on behalf of others suffering injustices – and speak up for them and help them. But it’s absolutely how we deal with that anger that’s really important. Also regarding offence, I think we as Christians are so carefully instructed to deal with it, because half the time it’s perceived offence, and the other ‘offending party’ may be completely oblivious to having caused upset in the first instance; and potentially ‘innocent’ of their perceived offences altogether – so really forgiveness is mostly for our benefit so we’re not stewing on something toxic that the other person hasn’t even been affected by.
And Jane, to develop your wonderful post even further, what does forgiveness look like? I’ve recently encountered ‘forgiveness’ from a Christian that involved a complete break in relationship. Somehow that doesn’t feel much like forgiveness, and I can’t see that modelled in the bible anywhere. I’ve read on Christian opinion pages that forgiveness models much like putting up fences and keeping hurtful people at arm’s length. Does it? Is that what forgiveness looks like? “Boundaries” I think it’s called. But I’m not sure that’s really correct either. If the Christian model of forgiveness looks exactly the same as secular forgiveness, perhaps we’ve got it wrong.
Love you loads Jane, you continue to inspire me every day.
Vicki xxx
So good to read this comment Vicki. Thank you.
I love reading your thoughts on how we deal with anger and offence. I’m all for assertiveness AND listening and reckon it’s vital to have fierce conversations in order to understand each other and resolve conflicts. Otherwise conversations remain about the weather and relationships stay 2D.
You write about “Boundaries” and after I posted this blog last night I was thinking about just those, funny enough. Have you read the “Boundaries” books by Dr Henry Cloud and John Townsend? I’ve read one and a half and they rocked my world with the idea of making sure we put into practice strategies to protect ourselves where necessary. For definite we must love others, but I believe we must also learn to love ourselves by fully understanding how God loves us.
What an intriguing question…. What does forgiveness look like?….I’d love to read more ideas….Anyone?