Behaving with Grace when there’s Evidence of Storms

Storms come! Behaving with grace at these times is difficult…If only we could snap our fingers and instantly clean up the mess left behind!  

We all go through storms within our lives sometimes, right?

Recently, I had the displeasure of sharing the storms within a dear lady’s life.  Lord, I need grace for others so badly!

Real storms…  Then: Threats of legal action.  Unwanted phone calls.  Abrupt demands.  Stressful sleepless hours.  

At the time, I was behaving WITHOUT GRACE for this lady at all.  Until I was forced to fully confront the issue and realised I needed to ask God for help…

The Setting: Real Stormy Weather

In the darkly dramatic depths of a London Winter, water and mud seemed to be everywhere.  Floods were all over the TV news.  The storms left evidence in many of our back gardens.

At one property I try to care for, the tenants found their five-foot wooden panelled fence was practically levelled by the storms – all the way down one side of the 30 foot back garden.  It takes around an hour and a half to get there.  I drove over to check it.

It was bad.  Somehow even the wooden posts which had previously stood upright were now cracked and leaning onto the next-door neighbour’s garden ornaments.  The large flat fence panels were dragged down too and crushing the potted plants.

The Protagonist: Me  (Well, I am the one telling the story).

Oh boy.  My problem.  The landlords live overseas.  As their appointed property manager, I needed to find a solution to this mess.

Firstly, we had to establish: Who was the owner of the ruined fence?   Ownership of boundaries can be controversial.  A new fence is expensive and I guess that’s one of the reasons.

The Antagonist (In my own mind, obviously): Mrs D.

The boundary fence was on the border between the property I looked after and the property of an elderly lady who lives alone.  I’ll call her Mrs D.  I gave Mrs D my phone number so we could to try and work out who would be responsible for replacement and payment.

The first aggravated text came through soon after from Mrs D to me:

(Not sure why, but she calls me Jane raiston instead of Jane Ralston. Although there are spelling mistakes in her texts which follow, verbatim, the texts are at least…well… impassioned! ):

Mrs D’s text: “Jane raiston  you must know by law that it is your responsibility about which side is your boundary it will be best to sort it through a solocitor (sic) from mrs d”

The problem was: no paperwork was clear on who was responsible for the boundary.  The landlords and I did quite a lot of research.  They also consulted experts to try to get an answer.  Finally, the landlords decided it was likely the responsibility for the fence lay with them.  This meant I needed to organise a builder for the work.

Mrs D’s texted instructions began.  As the houses are terraced, the builders must walk through someone’s house to get from the street to the garden.

Mrs D’s text: “Jane raiston  when your builder come to fix your fence they mustn’t put any material and concrete posts on my slables (sic) causing damage in my own compound also when removeig (sic) all your material do it from own house…not through my house… from mrs d”

Conflict Rising…

But there were delays.

First, the builder had to wait until the ground was solid enough again to accept concrete posts.  Then, the builder told me it was very difficult to find replacement fence panels. Apparently, fences had been broken by the storms all over  London, so most fence panels were sold out.

Phone calls and more texts started coming in from Mrs D…

Mrs D’s text: “Jane raiston it as been 4 months and nothing as (sic) been done i am compelled to see a solicitor mrs d”

 

…

The work finally began.  And…

Mrs D’s text: “Jane raiston.   I am very annoyed your builder put rubble near my back door…i would like you the managent (sic) to come at once and this will cause damage to my door i have taken photos mrs d”

In hindsight, perhaps there’s a small element of entertainment to these communications.  To Mrs D’s texts anyway.  Not to mine.  My texts in reply to Mrs D were carefully-worded placations.  That’s why I’m not bothering to include my replies here.  Too boring.

Mrs D’s text: “Jane raiston your builder as (sic) damaged my big shed panel i am going to see a solitor (sic) you all don’t seem to take i care i have taken photos i stall take you letting management to court from mrs d… you all have me stress”

My builder said nothing had happened to the shed.

Mrs D’s text: “Jane raiston i have taken photos your builder as damaged my big shed pane i shall see a solicitor…

I am going to court you all don’t care a dam (sic)”

Legal Action?

Very soon after, I received to my home a thick envelope from Mrs D.  Forbodingly, it arrived by recorded delivery.  In it were copies of photos of the details of Mrs D’s back garden and a long letter with the threat of legal action.

I summoned my courage and rang her mobile.  I explained to Mrs D I was sorry for the distress and assured her I would be coming to her property to follow up and check final work.

Meantime our builder provided me with his own photographic evidence that there was no damage.   5 days later:

Mrs D’s text: “Jane raiston are you coming next year 20015 (sic) to see the damage d”

Our builder, who has always seemed a kind and gentle soul to me, finished the job and photographed the results and then…

He refused to return to Mrs D’s property! Like, ever!  He told me the reason: it was the way Mrs D spoke to him.  He did not like being treated in that way.

Obviously, it was time for me to get serious with Mrs D!  But how?  Well, I tried this:

I got personal!  I told Mrs D a bit about my young family and the balancing act required to meet all my work and family commitments!

Surprisingly, I guess this was the note Mrs D needed.  All of a sudden, the tone of her texts to me softened:

Jane raiston i don’t ever trouble any one i have always made sure …fence wast damaged…jane all i want is tidy the mess and you can see for your self d

Fair enough.  Someone needed to see her…

Now, I know I’m making a big deal of this.  But I really didn’t want to go.  I’m ashamed to say, part of me was imagining a monster and a battle.

However, I also knew someone had to go.  

After all, what would Jesus do?  This would be easy for him, right?  He knows her and loves Mrs D, just the way she is.  He adores her so much He died for her…in the hope she would receive His gracious gift of a relationship with her Creator.

A bit harder for me… Although I experience relationship with and aspire to follow and be like Jesus…I am not Jesus.  Plus “Love your enemy” is not something I get to practise very often.

Behaving with Grace

But, I was going to try behaving with grace.

I tried to remember Mrs D’s perspective and everything she had endured in the wake of the storm.

I also tried to talk myself into seeing Dear Mrs D. as a sweet old lady by calling her “Dear” every time I spoke her name.  Bless her heart!  (I started saying that too).

“Ah look, it’s a text from Dear Mrs D!  How delightful!…” (This helped to lighten the mood at least).

At this point, I reminded myself that God can work through me if I let Him.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21  (NKJV)

I got my brave on.

I made sure I had hours to spare and I drove to the house.  On the way, I bought flowers to say sorry to Dear Mrs D for the all problems and the stress.

Climax: The Visit

As I knocked on the door, I was praying for me!…  Through the cloudy glass, I could make out the shadow of a figure as it slowly came forward in the hallway.  The door was opened a little and a small wiry woman leaning on her stick peered out quizzically at me.

Although I’d tried to arrange an appointment and forewarn her of my arrival, and although we’d met twice before, Dear Mrs D. appeared to have no idea who I was.

I explained myself.  She began to seem very pleased and taken aback that I was actually at her door.  I’m sure she was surprised by the flowers.  A cute little dog appeared at her heels.

I was invited into Mrs D’s home.  And so we chatted a little.  I love learning about people so it was easy to ask questions.  Spotting photos and asking about the people in them… her children.  Making friends with Alfie, Dear Mrs D’s dog.

Formalities: We inspected the results of the builder’s work all along the new fence.  She had more complaints.  I listened and took photos and notes.

Then we just sat for a while and chatted.  We had a cup of tea as I learned about Mrs D’s past life.  Everywhere she’s worked and the interesting jobs she’s done.

I learned about her dear husband, now deceased, and where she wants to be buried…She has already had a shrine built so she can be buried next to her husband.

I learned about her health issues. She’s in severe pain all the time and that’s why she’s so grumpy.  It’s her back that hurts. I wondered out loud if I might pray for her.

Then came a shocker for me….  She told me she is also a Christian.  (I exclaimed internally if she knew or understood about God’s grace.)  She said she would love it if I would pray – and so I prayed out loud, asking God for healing for Dear Mrs D and a sense of peace.

In the end, I stayed for almost a couple of hours.

Before I left, Mrs D apologised to me for her previous abrupt communication.

She told me she had imagined I was a big company with endless resource.  (That’s sometimes how I imagine myself actually, but then I rediscover my limits.)

It was a pleasant and informative visit.  I really enjoyed Mrs. D’s company.  She is engaging and interesting.  Potentially I had made a new friend…

Whom I haven’t had a grumpy text from since!

Grace through Storms

From that visit, I took away some thoughts.

• There will be storms in life.  And if we’re not careful, we can stay in the thick of them, past and present, and create our own bad “weather patterns”  for ourselves.  And then impose those “storms” on others.

• Note to self: Clean up the mess the storm left behind more quickly next time!

• Grace can change everything.  Even sometimes when you’re under attack.

People with Difficult Behaviour.  

Grace Required Here.  

I, for one, Need to Apply.