I know when I receive something nice and someone tells me “You deserve it”, they mean it in a good way…
But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about all the reasons I really don’t deserve it – whatever the reward is – because I know truths about me they don’t know. Or I know that I don’t deserve it more than anyone else deserves it. And I know how much less I deserve it than many other people I can think of…
But, though I may not deserve it, neither am I silly! Usually, if it’s on offer, I’ll take that sweet reward anyway, thank you very much! Whether I deserve it or not. It’s a gracious gift. I’ll accept the reward gratefully, despite myself.
I try and look after myself like that! Haha!
What about you? How do you receive? As well as you give?
We’re usually fine to remember what we’re told in Acts 21:25:
” the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
But there’s also the receiving side of the coin. And whether we will receive or not is a serious issue. Jesus told us in a serious way:
“I assure you and most solemnly say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God [with faith and humility] like a child will not enter it at all.” Luke 18:17 (Amplified Bible).
Sometimes, we have to wrestle with ourselves to receive His grace, to allow ourselves to receive His Kingdom. Because we feel so undeserving. If I ask myself the question:
Do I deserve this gift of God’s grace imparted so ridiculously generously towards me?
If I’m honest, the answer is No. Okay. Oops. It’s just that, in my human nature, not to put too harsh a point on it or to beat myself up, I am fully aware of my own humanity and the distance between my humanity and God’s divinity. I am aware that I am fallible and faulty. I can be my own worst enemy when I resist getting my thoughts on the right track. So I sometimes feel like I’m struggling with my own flesh.
Does that mean I want what I deserve? No thank you.
I don’t want my “Just Desserts”. Grace runs counter to the heart of most of us humans here in the world, where we are mainly operating on a reward-for-your-behaviour scenario. We don’t even issue grace to ourselves usually. We have to choose it:
I’ll have Grace instead of my “Just Desserts”.
I’ll have the fullness of what God is offering me instead of what I deserve. I’ll have His unmerited and immeasurable favour please. I’ll have a large portion of Grace please.
Thank you very much.
…
A while ago, I was cycling furiously around green and gentle English country lanes in an attempt to raise money for the charity A21 which is against human trafficking.
(Incidentally when I say I “race” and “furiously”, you may get the idea that I am actually very speedy, but for the record – unfortunately – and my husband confirms this: I’m really slow. Truth be told, most people over-take me when I’m on my bike…
But I don’t care. I feel fast and I reckon I look quite sporty!)
But back to the English country lanes..
A gorgeous girl I know had contacted me that morning to say thank you for doing the race for the charity she was working at. She was, at the time, volunteering at A21 in Greece and working with girls who had been rescued from sex-slavery. She contacted me to say she was telling the girls all about what my friends and I were doing for them.
Mind warp.
I felt so unworthy and so grateful all at the same time and, funny old me, I got a bit emotional telling God all about it out loud as I was speeding around those quaint and quiet lanes. (Anyone else find that praying and worshiping God comes so naturally when they are cycling? Or just my peculiarity?)
In the moments when there were no other cyclists or pedestrians nearby – this is the sort of thing I was saying to God as I pedalled:
“Who am I, Lord, to fight for girls in the sex-trade who have no freedom? Why is it me, here cycling in England and not them? Why do they have to go through that? Those girls there in Greece? What about those ones not yet rescued?
It’s just not fair. Why don’t they have this opportunity?
Don’t they deserve better?”
And this, I felt, was the answer:
Yes. They do.
And I went on:
“How can I have this? Don’t I deserve less than I have?”
No. You don’t.
Or the conversation with God went something like that any way. And so, I came to the conclusion.
“Thank you Lord. Thank you that I can be free and fight for freedom!”
I realised I am here in a position of great power. And like Spiderman’s uncle told him:
“With great power comes great responsibility”.
It’s just so important to receive and be grateful. And then take pleasure in my giving from my position of blessing.
I need to embrace my freedom and this opportunity with all my might. To give thanks for all I have and embrace all I can do as a response.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding… (Proverbs 3:5)
I have to trust Him through all of this. Because otherwise the state of the world messes way too much with my head. I trust that He is the judge and that the first will be last.
There’s a song by Brooke Fraser about this and I find it incredibly moving: “Flags” from her album of the same name. It is just the best:
“You who weep now will laugh again
All you lonely, be lonely no more
Yes, the last will be first
Of this I’m sureI don’t know why the innocents fall
While the monsters stand
I don’t know why the little ones thirst
But I know the last shall be first”
So I shall stand. Or cycle rather, and sometimes stand up on my pedals if I fancy that I might try to get off to a flying start.
I determine that I shall indeed think so highly of myself that I will allow myself to have this freedom and stand for freedom. To walk in and pedal His Grace and follow this light.
To play my part in the world standing up for what is : Right and True and Just and Light and Love. Because, praise God, He is light and love and there is no darkness in Him. I want to be on His side.
And so I choose to receive so I may also SHINE that light and love in the name of Jesus.
Will I accept this grace and love and freedom and prosperity given to me freely by my Lord and Saviour?
Yes. Thank you.
Even though I don’t deserve it.
I choose to receive it.
God doesn’t force Himself upon us, He lets us choose whether to receive or not.
But it is His will that everyone of us accepts Him…by grace, through faith – that we may see His Kingdom come.
May we receive gratefully… that the seed that He is sowing may grow and bear good fruit in each of our lives:
His Kingdom come, On Earth as it is in Heaven.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
